Sexually sequestered with empty beds, the men I spoke with have been forced to reckon with who they are without active sex lives-some for the first time since coming out. Gay life has always been rooted in active sex, but the pandemic upended that, compelling a kind of self-consciousness for untold swaths of gay men, especially single gay men. Broadly, nearly half of gay Americans are single, compared to 29 percent of straight American adults. In their lifetime, gay men aged 35 to 39 on average reported 67 sexual partners, according to one study, far more than the 12 lifetime partners of their straight counterparts. “I felt like I was dipping my pen in a poisoned well-physically, emotionally, spiritually poisoned. In 20 minutes, I’d have whatever topping I want,” he said of his pre-pandemic life. This year, since the start of pandemic protocols in March, he’s done nothing more than a mutual masturbation session in June.
Last year, Barrett, a fortysomething architect in North Carolina who traded candor here for anonymity, had sex with a little more than 200 men.
